What's one more?

I've never been so undecided in my life. Do I want a fourth kid or not? Why can't it be as easy as 1, 2, and 3 were? I didn't even think about it. There was no planning or discussion, no talk about money or how we would manage. I looked at my husband and said, "I wouldn't mind another one," and he willingly took me to bed. DONE. Each time we added to our family I thought, how much harder can it be! And I was right. I was already running around like crazy, changing, feeding, cleaning, carrying, lugging, tugging, wiping, crying, screaming.....and yes, laughing. What was one more.

Now my kids are "old." At the ripe ages of 2, 3, and 4, my life is easy in comparison to the description above. I'm still running around but there is more laughing, playing, and sharing. Family vacation is fun and dare I say relaxing! I can shower most days, poop alone, sleep all night (maybe with a small foot in my face or in a small bed while little hands touch my face) but I sleep! I can say, go play out side, get your shoes on, go to the van, clear the table. It is 6:30am and two of my kids are watching tv on my bed and one is still sleeping. Im drinking coffee while I hash this out.

Then there is all of the other stuff. I LOVE being pregnant. Holding a baby is one of the best feelings ever. As hard as it can be, it's over in a blink of an eye. Watching my kids love each other is the most rewarding thing ever. I really believe that giving them another sibling is the greatest gift I can give them. I'm providing them with life long friends, teaching them to share, compromise, work as a team, negotiate.....

I can't say I want to nurse in the middle of the night, spoon feed, burp, carry, and do all of that baby stuff. I hate child proofing, learning to crawl, learning to walk, needing a stroller

But I can say I love my kids so effing much it's crazy. I love being a stay at home mom and spending my days with them, watching them grow and learn. They are the heart of this family. They give my life a purpose and fulfillment. My husband and I create such awesome little people!