Has anyone lost an eye?

You know when your at a play date, the playground, or the Y and there are some helicopter moms who follow their kid around telling them to be careful, share, don't swing that, slow down......I have an idea. A suggestion really. What if we just sat back and let the kids figure it out. I think it would be beneficial to reprimand our kids AFTER someone actually loses an eye. Think of all the energy we would save. After all, how many kids have you seen running around with one eye???? Plus, imagine the lesson that would be learned when you pick that one eyeball up off the floor and hold it out to little Bobby and say, "see, this is what happens when you jump off of the couch onto your sister......someone loses an eye! So, until this actually happens, can you all please just take a deep breath and let kids be kids.

Mommy-long-butt

For those of you who don't know what mommy-long-butt is, it's what happens to women when they get pregnant and get fatter and fatter. Their ass gets longer and flatter. By the time you deliver, the top of your ass is between your shoulder blades and the bottom of it is behind your knees. This can be very devastating for some of us who started out with nicely round bums, especially if it happened to be your only asset!
After giving birth to my first child and wearing maternity clothes for three months, I ignorantly accepted my fate and went to purchase my first pair of mom jeans. ....after all, I was a MOM and I wanted to look the part. I found me a comfy pair of cheep shoes and some disposable shirts from old navy
Three kids and five body shapes later, let me tell all you new moms out there that you should not settle and sadly accept mommy-long-butt syndrome. we need to aspire to more than that. I was doing well for a while. However, at the moment, I have ten lbs to get rid of. Let's just say my muffin top has been built with a pastry shop. I will get back on track.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to achieve MILF status. I love my new body decked out with stretch marks that resemble the lines in the sand at the beach when the tide starts to go out. I know I may never get back into a bikini because the skin on my stomach has been horribly stretched out then deflated, it sags like the face of a bull dog. But to my kids, it's soft and warm and for my husbands, well he still seems to find me sexy and for those two reasons, I love my body and I want to take care of it. This body has done amazing things and it deserves more than mommy-long-butt jeans!

Success

Some days my success should be determined simply by weather or not the kids are still alive at the end of the day

Sleep

When I wake up to pee at 2:30am and realize that everyone is still in their own beds and no one has woken up yet
I panic, and wonder if they have suffered carbon monoxide poisoning!

Quote from good friend

Forgetting to bring wipes when you go out to eat is like forgetting to put a tampon in when you have a heavy period!